What awakened me was the same thing that always ended sleep: the intense, real sensation that I was choking to death. Gasping, I plunged forward from where I lay, stuck two thumbs underneath the thing strangling me and ripped it from my throat.
For several moments I sat chest heaving air back into my lungs. In a few minutes, I lifted the object which almost killed me...again. It was a tie. The sort of thing any guy might wear. But, I gazed around; the other accouterments were there...again. A pair of leather shoes, a briefcase and a suit bag with a note attached. That was different. I reached over, grabbed the bag, dragging it to me. Already the shock was setting in and even though I had moonlight enough to read by, my mind could barely read the words. After several tries, the message made sense: ‘Pick up dry-cleaning.’
Frustrated, I threw the suit bag to one side. My head hurt, eyelids heavy, I crashed back on the forest floor and stared up at the stars. God, I needed help. But the same old horror story wandered through my brain where I saw myself telling the police that, “Yes, every evening I wake up in the woods with a tie around my neck that’s choking me to death and there’s a suit I never use and a stupid briefcase.” Jesus, who grabs the same guy every day just to throw him in the middle of the forest? I'm the one it happens to and I don't believe it either.
I sighed. Yeah, just look in the briefcase. Maybe Fadra would do it when she found me. Fadra always found me. A huge wave of exhaustion took over. I would make myself give a crap again when I woke up.
**
A voice like an angel spoke into my dreams. “Wake up, beloved. Wake up, my dear!”
I felt a glorious softness brush my lips and opened my eyes. Fadra, my beautiful, beautiful Fadra. She had a home here in the woods. The woman was used to finding me every evening. I kept trying to get her to move to the city, but Fadra would have none of it. I guess I should have been thankful. She was the only other person in the world who knew about my problem, yet still supported me in how I wished to handle it.
I gasped and sat up. “Fadra?”
Fadra sat beside me, stroking my cheek with her soft hand. “I see you’re back here again. You still have no idea what happens?”
I shook my head, leaning into Fadra’s comforting arms, allowing my love to stroke and comfort. “What do you think? Should I find a policeman, finally tell someone?”
“Whatever you wish. I must say, it might be easier to think and speak after you have a bit of what the forest brought to me.” Fadra produced a loaf of bread with a hearty chunk of cheese. I smiled. “How did you get to be such a wood nymph?”
Fadra gave a gentle laugh that put my heart at peace. We ate for a bit before my lovely Fadra said, “That funny bag. That briefcase. Let’s open it.”
I sighed. Down deep, I knew it held nothing but tugged it towards me anyway. It had to be the terrible shock I nightly endured that kept me from merely snapping it open, but after much fumbling, it opened, eventually. There was nothing but paper along with a wad of soft materials. I put them back, but withdrew one of the papers and attempted to read. The page had been something I recognized, but whatever passed for words on it made no sense.
“I-I...it’s another tongue,” I said. “Did I wake up in another country?”
Fadra shook her head ‘no.’ “This is Cuendra, just as it’s always been.”
“But, I don’t remember! Why the hell is that?”
Fadra’s eyes gazed at me, full of compassion. The next words from her lips, soft, caring, “You go through so much every day. Of course, it’s hard to remember. But we’ll make sense out of this, don’t worry, my love. Now come, there are some berries I want you to try. They might even help you feel better. And the more clarity you have, the easier making sense should be. Come.”
Of course, I followed her. As we walked along, my arm over Fadra’s shoulder, all I could think was how much I wished I could stay. Being with Fadra, strolling in the woods, this was the greatest part of my life until it was time go back to-
What? What else happened to me during the day? I don’t know what stunned me more, that I couldn’t remember or...I-I don’t know. Maybe Fadra’s ‘magic berries’ would do something. She seemed to understand a great deal about herbs and remedies from the woods.
“Fadra, you know what? If you don’t mind, could I stay with you a couple of days? If I’m someplace the kidnapper can’t find me, then it might be problem solved. All I have to do is be aware of what’s happening for a day-”
Fadra spun, her long blonde hair whipping around. “No, no. You can’t stay with me. I can’t allow it.”
The fear in her eyes was impossible to ignore. “But Fadra, my-my love...why? I know I’m imposing, but...don’t you think it’s a good idea?”
Fadra turned away, avoiding my gaze. “No, you can’t stay. You don’t know! You don’t know!”
The thought hit me like a stone, one so terrible I could barely say it. “But you do! Fadra, what happens to me during the day? Where do I go? Who brings me here?”
“No, I can’t say!”
Fadra turned as if to run, but in desperation, I grabbed her wrist, yet she managed to break away, running.
“Fadra!” I shouted. “Come back.Tell me!”
Swift as Fadra was I ran, too, trying to stop the woman before she could reach the woods. “Fadra, please!”
To my surprise, she came to a sudden halt, turned with eyes wide, gesturing for me to be quiet and still. A slight whisper carried across the forest. “The beasts...don’t move...”
Fadra was too far from me, I felt a need to rush and protect her, “But-”
Terrified, my love smacked a finger to her lips, “Shhhh-”
Then it was so fast! The very next thing I saw was the beasts! Creatures covered in fur, maybe ten feet tall, high foreheads. All I could think was, Big Foot? Was I seeing a gawd-awful real, Big Foot? The tallest monster in the group grabbed Fadra around the waist, lifting her from the ground as if preparing to carry her away. Something snapped. In the middle of this madness Fadra took care of me, she loved me. This woman accepted everything about me; no way in hell was I going to lose her to an animal!
I heaved in a huge breath before bellowing, “STOP!”
The thing whipped around and growled, it’s fellows joined in, waiting for the alpha males nod to come after me. Worse, Fadra wailed, “No! No, my love...let me go!”
I didn’t take my eyes off the leader. He’d tear me apart, but no way...no way...The Alpha’s eyes met mine, I stared back, hoping that maybe if I didn’t back down Fadra might have a chance. Then the beast gave a quick growl as he shoved Fadra behind him. That was it. With all my might I ran forward, filled with the idiot idea that I could beat this creature. At the last minute, I went for it all the way and leaped into the air. The monster gazed at me in surprise, filtered through a healthy dose of fear.
I swung my arm back slamming it into the beast’s thick skull, an action not unlike punching a rock. Maybe it was the craziness of the act, combined with howling for the beast to run, along with what must have felt like a tough mosquito bite to him, but the creature gave a frantic grunt at the others and away they ran.
Heart pounding I called, “Fadra! Fadra, where are you?”
Fadra’s lovely face peeked from behind a tree; I ran to her.
“My love!” she said. “You were magnificent. But quickly, we have to leave this spot. The creatures will be back. Come, let’s head for the hot spring. I think the claws scratched me.”
“Sure, sure. But you have to lead the way.”
So she took my hand and led me to a beautiful, secret, sacred place; small grotto was mist hung over the warm water made almost luminous by the bright moonlight. “Oh, wow this is great!”
“Remember,” she said. “We’re in the woods. Always listen, always be alert. but here in the water we should safe for now.”
Fadra climbed in like an expert. I had to watch my footing making sure not to land on my ass. But once in the water, “Ahhh...! This is wonderful. It’s like a bathtub.” I paused and asked like a fool, “What the hell is a bathtub?”
Fadra sighed. “Just something you don’t remember.”
I saw her bath an arm and asked, “Did it bite you?”
“He scratched. It’s alright, but wounds must always be cleaned. This place will do it.”
I watched her work in the moonlight. “Thank you,” I said.
Fadra glanced at me. “What?”
“Thank you, I said. Thank you for looking after me,” I said moving closer. “Thank you for not judging me, but doing so much to make me whole.” I took her hand and drew Fadra close. “Thank you, my love.” Then we kissed and the world turned. For the longest time, it was an act of pure ecstasy that rose higher and higher, until every atom of my being cherished and praised my lover’s very existence, a thing that energized and drained me both at the same time. Until at last, it left us both spent in wave after wave of pure, unfettered joy.
We had climbed from the grotto to lay in the grass where we exchanged soft words of love and devotion. Our eyes closed from the exhaustion passion brings, but sometime during the night, Fadra woke me again whispering, “Quickly, come with me. You have to sample the berries before the morning comes. Shh...Quickly!”
I didn’t say another word but let her take my hand and she scurried back closer to where I had been left. At a certain bush, Fadra broke off a branch of berries and handed it to me.
“I want you to eat these, back at your spot. I’ll take you there.”
Next, to the bag and other things, Fadra said, slowing backing away. “I want you to eat these now. But stay here. For a moment you may see and think clearly. That will be good. But...I have to go. Eat them quickly!”
Shocked I said, “Fadra, why are you--”
“No! I have to go! I can’t bear to see what happens--”
“Fadra! Talk to me!”
Tears dripped down her cheeks, voice trembling she told me, “A long time ago...one-one of them bit you. You weren’t being intentionally cruel, but you tried to keep it from-from our home...We didn’t clean the wound soon enough. You’ve made this change ever since.”
Confusion complete I cried, “What?”
Fadra waved me off as she turned away. “I have to get away. Eat the berries right now! Please!”
I didn't understand, but Fadra had never steered me wrong, so I grabbed the branch and began chomping down berries. A phrase ran through my head like a charging bull. “Diversify his portfolio...”
Urgency built in me, “There’s bigger fish to fry.” It would be another day wildly taking the books and...and...I reached for the briefcase and for the first time saw my arm.
“To increase revenue, increase accounts receivable...Diversify! Diversify!”
My arm was dark, hairy like a gorilla’s. My hands: black, leathery. “Oh, my God!” I shouted, but this time the sound reached my ears as a mighty roar. My legs were also, long, hairy, my feet the size of steam shovels. I turned to look for Fadra but saw a face peering from behind a tree. It looked like the creatures that attacked earlier, but this one had light fur, and breasts. A female?
“Fadra?” I said. But the convulsions hit like an oncoming train. I landed on the ground feeling my body whipped back and forth. I screamed at the bizarre sensation of feeling my body squeezed into nothing. Crushed I was being...crushed...
“Track depreciation over the current accounting period...”
When I could breathe again, I felt small but driven. My hands were human hands. My body completely human. I had to go. So many books to keep I would keep them all, if I had to break into every business in the city I would do them ALL!
The suit bag was no longer a puzzle. I took it out and slipped it on as well as my socks and shoes. And yes, the briefcase. I opened it instantly feeling it feed my intensity. I understood these words perfectly. It was my well-organized list of businesses that would be hearing from me today. I planned on forty to make it a new record. Oh, dear God I am the master of numbers! All businesses will bow to me. But I had to stay on schedule. I picked up one last item: a tie. For a minute I thought there was a reason for me not to wear it, but I couldn’t recall. Ridiculous anyway. All great accountants wore ties. I put it on.
I checked my watch. I had to be in town by 7:30 to allow time for breaking into the Law Offices of Leonard, Roland and James, so I could have their books done by 9 am before the business opened.
“Audit the general ledger...” My mind became more and more driven by instinct, the desire to fight, to take what I wanted and conquer anyone or anything in my way. With ever fading disgust, I felt my self-becoming a monster.
Laughter mixed with hysteria poured from me as I ran toward town. They didn’t know what was coming...they didn’t know! They didn’t know...I could take their numbers! I could take as many as I liked for I was...my own name glimmered on the edge of memory before crashing in. I was Melvin Hammerfeld, Certified Public Accountant.
I cried out as I ran over hill and dale, “Diversify the portfolio! Diversify the portfolio!” At last, I stood at the top of a small hill, held the suit bag and briefcase high as I threw my head back and bellowed, “DIVERSIFY THE PORTFOLIO!
Stay out of my way!
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